I think I know why I often get so upset when I’m partying. It has very little to do with the alcohol itself and more to do with the fact that I’m chasing the high of previous party memories. I have in my memory the perfect party nights; nights where you feel absolutely invincible and totally in tune with the life force around you. It’s the memories that you wouldn’t trade for anything. To get to that state is almost pure serendipity and often I think I try and force it. It just doesn’t seem nearly as often anymore that the people I am partying with are on the same page. Perhaps it is just life starting to pull everyone in their own different directions now, we no longer all have the same singular set of experiences to draw from as everyone is starting to more off towards bigger aspirations. For a while though it just felt so perfect, it felt like we were the only people in the world who got it. We may not have been directly changing the world but we were all living our lives. We were creating the memories we will continue to reminisce over well into our elderly years and we knew it. Now I suppose people are old and our youthful idealism is starting to dim. I’m not sure if I am just hanging onto the past or if having seen just how powerful people actually can be when their vision is united I feel I must keep trying to get back there to steal ideas for the future. Maybe I refuse to grow up and see the world through adult eyes but given that they are the ones that got us into many of the messes the world is currently in I don’t think I’m entirely convinced they will be able to solve all of the problems. There is something so innocent and pure about a child saying “well why don’t you just do x to fix the problem”. Adults always explain the answer away with long convoluted well-worn ‘truths’ but I think the answers are more simple then we want to admit. I think that’s why I don’t want to lose track of my inner child and why I keep trying to push people back towards the days of lore. There was something there if only for a moment that was real and true. So maybe I am a dreamer, or just a party kid at heart, but I think it’s more than just chasing the high of wanting to be reliving memories. I want to be constantly creating new ones, it’s how you make history.